oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
