I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
