I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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