I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
