they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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