I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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