I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
