Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
