best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
