Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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