Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
