my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
