I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
