LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
