Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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