hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
