im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
