rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
