hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
