bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
