You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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