so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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