GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
