Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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