Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
