so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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