my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
