do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
