I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
