I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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