she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
