is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
