Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize