apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
