I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
