he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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