i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
