Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
