So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
