I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My life is pants optional.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
