It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
