hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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