Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
