Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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