The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
