I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
