Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
