so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
