yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
