guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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