i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's rum buckets o'clock
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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