she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
