I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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