I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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