I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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