do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
