wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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