we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
