Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
