I just threw up on my dentist
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
