20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
