They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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