What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
