I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
