Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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