If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize