I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
