so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize