Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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