so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
